Chick Wit

I Can See Clearly Now January 16, 2022

By Lisa Scottoline

These are polarizing times.

Of course, I’m talking about glasses.

I have polarized sunglasses, which are prescription. I also have polarized sunglasses that aren’t prescription, which I wear with contact lenses.

Plus I have regular glasses with progressive lenses.

That is not a political statement.

I have reading glasses, which I wear with contact lenses.

That’s four different types of glasses.

Throw in the fact that I have five pairs of reading glasses, varying in strength, because I lose them constantly and use whichever pair I can find.

Also they’re cute and cheap, so I buy them on impulse.

I just counted and I own fifteen pairs of glasses, including all of the above.

I’m one person, with two eyes.

By any sensible measure, I have fourteen pairs of glasses too many.

But now they tell me that’s not enough glasses.

Like I’m half-empty, glasses-wise.

Because I have to have blue glasses now.

If you aren’t in on the blue-glasses craze, let me get you up to speed. By the way, nothing that follows will be medically reliable.

Welcome to Scottoline on science, which is a combination of what my friends say, Wikipedia, and stuff I might have dreamed or heard somewhere.

In other words, Dr. Google is in.

What all of these things are saying to me is that I need a pair of blue glasses.

Why?

Because I’m in front of a computer 24/7, not only researching serious scientific matters for us, but also doing my job, which is writing books. And evidently it’s not good for my eyes to be in front of a computer anymore without blue glasses.

I happened to be in the CVS and they had plenty of blue glasses, none of which were actually blue.

That’s how they trick you.

I didn’t know which pair to buy, but the cutest box had flowers, and the glasses inside were made by Drew Barrymore, who’s adorable and an actress with a TV show, so as far as I’m concerned, she’s as qualified as anybody to manufacture blue glasses.

That’s Dr. Drew Barrymore to you, bucko.

If you ask me, she should run for Governor of Pennsylvania.

I’d vote for her in a minute.

At least she lives here.

Wait, she doesn’t, but I could tell her what it’s like.

Meanwhile, who’s more well-qualified to sell you anything than an actress with a TV show?

I say this because I’m the kind of girl who looks at the world through rose-colored glasses.

But I think they’re bad for your eyes in front of the computer.

And if you put them on top of blue glasses, they make purple glasses.

Next year, guaranteed, someone will tell us we need purple glasses.

Anyway, back to my research. I went online and started looking into the subject, which is when I learned they weren’t called blue glasses, but blue light glasses because they block blue light.

I’m wondering if they block light-blue light, too, but I’m confusing myself.

Anyway, I started looking online at the various types of blue light glasses and I learned they come in different ratings like suntan lotion, so that was something else to factor in, and then finally, I noticed a review with a headline:

“Click Here For The Best Blue Light Glasses.”

So I clicked.

And they were yellow.

Evidently, computer screens emit blue light that “impacts our body’s ability to produce melatonin, the hormone that helps us fall asleep.”

Meanwhile I sleep great.

And I have no hormones.

I used to have estrogen, but it went away.

I think it’s lost.

With my reading glasses.

Copyright Lisa Scottoline 2022

ON SALE MARCH 29, 2022

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GHOSTS OF HARVARD

Ghosts of Harvard, which The Washington Post called “a sweeping and beguiling novel” as well as “a rich, intricately plotted thriller,” is Francesca Serritella’s debut novel.

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