By Lisa Scottoline
My dog is on Viagra.
And she’s a girl.
I don’t know where to begin.
But she does.
She knows everything.
This is the effect of Viagra on dogs.
They become queens.
Maybe I should take one?
First, let me say I’m not a vet and this is not veterinary advice, so don’t go asking your vet for Viagra.
For your dog.
What happened is that my little Peach, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, was diagnosed with congestive heart disease. Sadly, the diagnosis wasn’t unexpected because she’s twelve years old and heart disease is not uncommon in the breed. In fact, she’s my second cavalier, so I even have a veterinary cardiologist.
By the way, my pony has an equine dentist, and my chickens have an avian vet.I have a wallet.
Honestly, I’m not complaining about vet bills. My pets are members of my family, and I don’t mind taking care of my family, even when it costs me.
It’s still less than tuition.
Plus anybody who has a pet knows they’re expensive, and smart owners get pet insurance.
Meanwhile my cat costs me nothing.
My cat Vivi is fifteen years old and has never been sick a day in her life.
Someday I’ll get pet insurance, but every time I look into it online, the veterinary healthcare system is as confusing as the human-being healthcare system.
Maybe cats should take it over.
They’d know what to do.
To return to point, Peach was already on two medications for her heart, but she seemed listless, and when I took her to the vet, he suggested that we put her on Sildenafil citrate, a small white pill.
And then I looked up her medication online and found that it contained the same thing as Viagra.
And honestly, who cares?
If it makes her happier and healthier, I’m all for it.
So Peach started taking a quarter of a tab.
And she perked up.
Like, a lot.
She’s always been plucky, but she was pluckier than ever. My other two dogs Boone and Kit are her sons, and she started chasing them around the house.
I’m not sure what she had in mind.
She’s not that kind of dog.
Let’s just say it was good, clean family fun and (probably) not sexual harassment.
Anyway I touched base with the vet, and he was happy to hear that Peach had more energy. He did some tests that showed her heart was doing better, too, so we increased her dosage to half a tab.
Then she got even pluckier.
Her sons thought she was too plucky.
I didn’t. Peach was like a puppy again, running around the backyard and chasing squirrels.
So the squirrels agreed with her sons.
She had energy!
I bet if we increase her dosage, she’d paint the house.
I might be fine with that.
Now I get why men take Viagra.
Life is short.
But not everything else has to be.
In fact, I find myself taking a second look at Peach’s pills.
You gotta wonder what effect they’d have on me.
I looked online to learn how Viagra affected women, and the articles seemed to suggest that it increased female sexual arousal.
That, I don’t need.
Why dress up if you’re not going anywhere?
Meanwhile I couldn’t be pluckier than I am.
I’m so plucky I’m divorced twice.
Turns out some men can’t handle pluck.
Copyright Lisa Scottoline 2023